I was overflowing with enthusiasm for writing until I realized that I might have to spend a lot of time by myself.
Solitude is a scary thing, when you think about it. We’re social animals. When we find people that we mesh with, we want to be with them all the time. It’s such a relief to find people who can laugh at your jokes. That feeling of solidarity and support is essential to existence. Believe me; I know. I have a set of amazing friends at college that I am truly unworthy to have.
I’m so worried about losing them, that I haven’t written all that much since getting back from spring break. Progress on myshort story has ground to a crawl. Coursework takes up so much time, that I want to take the time that I have left and give it to my friends.
I bet you’ve had that feeling before, if you write fiction. Our craft takes time. Time spent scribbling with a pen at night, with a lamp on, trying not to think about everybody having a good time elsewhere. Time spent banging away at a keyboard in a library- exactly what I’m doing right now. To sharpen our words and perfect our vision, we can’t have any distractions.
But some of us have such busy lives already. Taking even more time to write could seriously cut us off from those people we love so much, if we’re not careful. The less time we spend with people, the more they fade away.
That’s why I’m scared of solitude. I’m scared of the way it alienates me from other people. Sometimes, when I meet some friends after a long day at the books, I feel alien. A wall has fallen between myself and the rest of the world. In the confines of the wall, I can romp free and write what I want and never learn to communicate with another person. I can lose myself inside these walls.